My Feelings…..

Your words are my food, your breath is my wine
You are everything to me.I love you not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you
As we grow older together,
As we continue to change with age,
There is one thing that will never change…
I will always keep falling in love with you.

For, you see, each day I love you more,
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
As I stand here today with the world as my witness,
I pledge to you my undying and everlasting love.
I will stand beside you as your partner,
I will stand before you as your protector,
And I will stand behind you as your solace.
Please spend and end your life with me…

yeah today is so boring day…although i got back my hp…is so fucking boring…MSG her nvr reply…msg the gerl also nvr reply….as if i put on the SILENT MODE…..no msg no call at all…so fucking boring…surf the net there’s nuthing to surf!!what a fucking day….

yeah now im so boring….saw her on the net..chat wif her like nuthing…she said she’s BZ….hmmmmm ok i understand….but y nobody understand me? not a single person….damn! like i said i living wif my own world….only alone in this world….i want to go out from this world!!!!!!!!

today went to suntect to take my hp back…duhhh now is ok…yahoo!!!but no msg no call….i went home straight….dont want to go shopping…i want to save my money!!!!arh!!!! now im stress…..totally stress…where i want to get money if im ORD? mine ORD date is coming! 15-04-2006 damn! i want to go to school back! but i dont want to use my parents money….till when u want to use their money? im so regret about last time….so regret….if i wantto school where to get my daily money?if i want to work till went i want to upgrade myself?arh!!!!!stress!!!! im so stress…..

haiz…..tomorrow im working…this is another issue….now im not enjoying my working life…wif my IN-CHARGE like what! his old! and forgetfull!!!! bloodyfull! nobody likes him….yeah…nobody….including me….haha but what to do…i hav to be nice wif him bcoz of my COS-certificate of service…. haiz…that is my life that certificate is my life! i hope i got excellence in that or outstanding….hahahaha haiz…tomorrow is my 1st shift….haiyah…

hmmm i think i want to plan goin out this Saturday….but im not sure wif who…i might thinking of the GERL….i hope she accept….hehe quite a long time i nvr see movie….i dont know what movie is on?or great….haiyah….and quite a long time i nvr go to Town…seems like nothing to me…nothing great at there….haiz…i hope the gerl accept goin out wif me lah…hehe

haiz…now is 31.08.2005 0206HRS still cants sleep bcoz i got abit of chest pain…. when im caughing  i got chest pain…i think too much of ciggies….not i think lah its is lah….haiz…yah i just read all my blog again…feel angry feel sad! but y i feel like this?for what!? damn!

I just read about Maz blog…..yah im sorry about that really sorry….i just need somebody to talk to only not bcoz i want something…bukan i nak cari perganti ker apa…i just need someone to talk to….yg i kenal…not i cari…i dont like it that way….yah i got a feeling towards u but i know my limit….thats all….haiz…im sorry to disturbing u while u doing your assignment or your project or what your important stuff….haiz…im really feel lonely…no one to talk to…

Yesterday i saw HER on the MSN duh…i chat wif her….yeap while chat wif her i feel like im her friend…not like last time we always chat…now we r diffrent…totally diffrent…she said that after we broke off…all the goods things come to us..but! there is no such thing lah…i dont believe in that…i think it totally nonsense! yah we chat quite a long time ard 30 mins haha nuthing special or what…yah the feeling towards HER still hav….feeling hurt!! and kept thinking how she lied to me…but it ok…nehhhh drop the topic…

back to my MAZ…..MY MAZ?hahahahha i mean back to the GERL….yah i got feelings like and begin even more like towars her…i know she bz on her project…hahah still remember about her like last time when she got exam or project we always fight….but this gerl i dont….just rilek…DAMN THIS IS NOT ME! im a temperamental person hot tempered! im mean MORE GARANG! hahaha yah thats me last time…but now…BFG(Big Friendly Giant) but becareful when the limit when up to the max….the giant will turn into a BEAST…..hahahaha

Yah MAZ got beautiful eyes….cute nose….chubby cheeks…..aiyah! easi say she’s wonderful lah….hahahahha but i dont know her much…what i know she more to emo and ego…….about family background i dont know….hehehenvr slowly learn a person….or people…how people behave…and how to know a person……

i dont know i feel so lonely….really lonely….i dont like feeling like this….when i need somebody…they all r bz…yah i understand….some were bz wif there projects…standard ah…still skoolin what….but y i hav to understand them? y they nvr understand me….when im in needs…nobody around me….i need a shoulder to cry on…no shoulder leh…..y? y i feel like im the only person living alone in this world….

im sorry if i disturbing u….im really sori…what to do….but y i hav to stand alone all the times? im feeling so lonely…i need someone to talk to…haiz….anybody shall do….

sometimes i miss someone….really miss someone….haiz…not her..but other gerl i just met….i dont know y i feel like this?but she’s not in the relationship anymore….but i dont want to try to took her heart….u knnow y?i know im not so handsome or not a gorgeous guy…….im big? im a beast…i hate feeling like this…really hate it…actually i got the feeling towards her….y so fast? y? y? its so fast…but i believe my feeling….falling love in a 1st sight…i believe in that…bcoz sometimes u can judge the person by the looks and how they talk….yah sometimes its true….haiz……..

today after work went down to suntec….u know y?bcoz of my hp! spoilt!fuck ah! thats one thing…i hav to go alone…even boring….whilst walking to NOKIA CARE CENTRE….i look around me… there’s diffrent type of people….some couple hugging each other as if they were new fresh couple….some couple were fighting….some r like shit! hahahahah i dont know y i say this….keep walking as in like walking boon lay to pasir ris…feel like damn FAR!

seems like a long time i nvr come to suntec…i feel like im new there…hahahaha while walking i remeber the past…..remember about my father…remember about HER…haiz…i dont know y suddently i feel so lonely…really lonely…haiz… y my life hav to be like this…y? is this call life? i think for me its not…this is not my life….but sometimes i said to my self that just rilek….god r testing on us….

today came back from work im totally fucking tired…i dont know i feel damn tired….and my chest kept feel pain…i think too much of ciggies….try to slow down but i cant…

these days i keep on hearing my lovely song RINDU BAYANGAN by Jay Jay really old and nice song to me…haiz….y i hav to be like this?

this month i know this girl….she is nice and sweet gerl….but abit of EMO…..hahaha but i really like her eyes….whenever i loook at her eyes…as in like theres a diamond on her eyes…really sweet…ahahahaha and chubby cheek….yah i know i hav a something on her lah hahahaha but its not now….i just want to rilek 1st haiz…my heart still pain about HER…haiz….

haiz…im so fucking tired…damn!hav not been sleeping for the past more than 48 hrs! OH MY GOD! im super super tired!. Yesterday met someone…a girl…yah she’s nice sweet cute like my ex….while going out wif her…i kept remember about my ex….i dont know y…i know im not in the wrong…but this girl…is abit special…i feel something towards her…is not a crush or what…something even special! damn! y i feeling like this….she’s so cute sweet and nice plus…caring…hmmm…ok…stop it….

After going out wif her my friend called me…hahahah wanna go fishing…i did went fishing….so fun alot of small fish…hahaha y small? wheres the big momma fish? haha i bring along my DIGIcam took lots of pictures…..esp the sunrise….i love sunrise….really like it…took lot of the sunrise pic…while taking pictures…i felt pain really pain! damn blood….FUCK! i just keep quiet…don let my friends know about it…after when back home i felt again…really hav to go to hospital….really pain….doctor said to me its just normal cough…its too dry…but hav to go for further check ups….i hope there nuthing about me…prey me hard….

haiz…today just came back from my work place….these days im feeling so tired…fucking tired! damn! haiz…..got accused had to sent to AH spent 3 hrs at there…the accused was arrested bcoz of disorderly behavior…..a caucasion guy very damn big! and he’s a jews….jews converted into islam?haiz…what a world…and he is under depression…try to find out y he’s like that….sooo noizy!shout here and there…after the slow talk wif him than he ok wif us…he’s a nice guy actually….

these day i so sleepy…i dont know y…kept on yawning while working…and yesterday got dreamt about her…she came back to me and talk to me….but i dont know what is that conversation about….she smile at me laughing at me…seems like im ok wif her and nuthing happen…after that she just kissed me and walk off…just like that…i dont know what we talking about…i know i wif her talking happily…after the i woke up…i feel sooo lonely…my heart is so lonely…damn! y im become like this again….damn! i hate this happen to me again…i tot i moving on wif my life…my thinking and my feelings towards her is so strong…i try to call her but i know she wont answer my call…haiz….what is this! is this life?

today whats wrong wif me…heheheh im so tired! damn! hhahahahathis is not me….im cheerful and happy…but today feel like so tired…my leg getting weak and weaker….but dont think anything else…hahahaha

today got two snake hav to send either zoo or reptile park…but i chose zoo…what to do my STATION SGT ask me go to reptile park…hahahah but no regret…having fun at there…watch the action from the zoo…touched the iguana…snakes…hahaha and get to see free…im feeling so happy this days….dont know y…really really try hard to move on…at last i did it! go fishing alone…and nvr think of something u know….walk alone wif my MP3 HAHAHA really move on…its ok she happy the guy she really want…go ahead… hav fun,wish her luck and remember i hope dont do what she did to me wif that guy….

I really think of my future…no matter nobody support me hav to try to live independent….with any help of someone….i want want my future to be bright after my achievement hav made it than can think of married….and find someone…thats my motive….haha…la la la la im so happy….i came out from the dark….but no matter what i wont forget what she did to me…HAHAHAHAH still remember her no matter what……hahahaha i think i too happy lah….i dont know y…hahahahah

today and yesterday was tiring day…i dont know i back to my anger again…tought my junior maintenance…he kept say ‘YAH I KNOW ALREADY’, ‘OIC’, ‘Hmmmm’ AFTER FIVE MINUTES HE FORGET…WHAT THE FUCK…im angry with him…..totally angry….for the 1st time i teach my junior in the rough way haiz….

today after bath she was online….haiz…she told that she attached i hope so not…ashraf his name the TEACHER….i feel insulted….i know that my qualification is low…and my future haiz….but i can prove it to everybody i can do it….but start low again…its ok one day i can be good man with a bright future….SO just wait and see…my face gonna be at inside the news paper about career guy..hahaha what a dreamer sia….i hope my wish come true……i nowadays i keep on snoring…im too tired…mentally tired…keep bz around wif my things….i mean..kept thinking about her..and quiet most of the times not like last time…if i moody i keep on laughing…wif my friends…wif small things i will laugh too…so U i just hoping u will regret one day…and i really hoping and i will prey….that open your heart…..and open your stupid brain! 4yrs! what i fucking waste! ARH!!!! where is my friend!!!!!!all my squadmate!!! SQD64 where r u!!!!!i need u!!!!!!!ineed u all!!! still remember the fun inside the room!!!!hahahaha so childish….hahahaha but NS is another memories to me…so u guy read this blog… pls add me at radenrasta@hotmail.com  COME ON GUYS!

TODAY check my piggy bank…remember she went to ayer hitam i think she bought for me a arowana shape piggy bank hehehe its getting heavier!!!!! haahha i hide so my bro nvr steal my MONEY! hahahaha kept reading the letter she gave it to me…see our pictures haiz…memory…i cant stop it seeing our pictures…letters…and cant stop imagine her…got one day i dreamt about her she came back to me kiss my cheeks….haiz….i hoping she will comeback to me one day…

yesterday bought a white chocolate my fav! hahah white!?haiz….white is how my pure love towards her…..she love white roses….ayang pls show me your love towards me again…i know u can do it and i know we can work it out again like last time…pls come back to me….i cant stop thinking about u…pls comeback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!