My Feelings…..

The Date…..i will nvr forget about that…our 1st love i wif her….1st time i met her is totally funny hehehe totally funny…the 1st time i met her i was totally naughty guy playfull and nvr think of future, bcoz of her im changing till rite now…bcoz of her im change….1st kiss at the park…was totally great…her smooth firm lips..make me nvr forget untill now…really miss her kiss…we went tru everything even inside and outside….our parents know each other, we really went tru everything………haiz…

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                                       I Think About You Everyday

                                           24/7 Girl In Every Way    

                                 Try To Move On But What Can I Say

                                   No-One Else Can Take Your Place

i took two days leave sooooo six days i nvr come to work yahoo!!!!but…what to do still lonely…im so fedup staying inside my home…so when to fishing at changi ALONE…i know the 7th month festival is on SO? what the problem i dont care about the unusual thingy i know they disturb me…i went down to changi the usual place i always go wif HER…memories….what to do..ah yah…about the thing…im confused they know our feelings to..i tot they dont hav feelings like us but they hav…its ok if u dont believe me, went down there alone there nobody in my sight totally nobody..suddenly i heard a voice and asking me relax dont be sad(in malay) u will be happy later on…(sabar yer jgn sedih nanti satu hari kau akan gembira) when i heard the voice i quickly turn and see nobody try to torch every where but couldnt find anyone…hmmm…but i carry on my fishing stuff got alot of fish hehehehe STINGRAY AND DURI…damn i forgot my DIGICAM! hehehe missed the sunrise…really really nice

while im sitting down at the beach i wondering y she broke off wif me…what i know she lied to me that she had to come to work on that day bcoz of no manpower…but the actual story she met this guy that i dont know and she wants a break off! haiz , y she want to lied to me bcoz of she want to go to university? y? i never done anything wrong at all! what she want i gave it to her…haizz….what to do…FAITH! i hope one day she realise that she done a totally wrongful decision

long time nvr update my blog….i dont know how i feel rite now….im just a lonely guy who always make people difficulties…haiz im just a lonely guy who always make ppl hate me more….i dont know whats wrong about me…everyday i dreamt about her i tried not to think about her, but i cant! fuck what wrong wif me! FAIRUS MOVE ON! pls move on u can do it……

ohhh forget to tell u hehehe my NDP Duty…its was tiring day really tiring day…saw all my old friends but i know if i go wif them and get in touch wif them i lead to the bad path i dont to be like that…i want to prove everybody that i can move on without anybody help…while doing the duty…saw the fireworks haiz…..so beautiful saw couple hugging each other watching the fireworks at the sky….really memory day for them…when i saw them i imagine im wif her watching the fireworks…..hahahahahawhat to do i end up breaking up wif her…haiz….k lah untill here i can type wanna rest…took long leave to relax my mind..

today saturday and i just came back from my work place…tiring day, hav to teach my junior how to do filer work….really complicated suddenly hehehhe actually its easy job…bcoz of my mind thinking of someone haiz….today actually hav to go out with someone u know who rite its HER…but she cancel it what to do….

As i was saying when i doin my work im thinking of HER i heard a song by ROCKAPELLA wonderful tonight…..really meaningful….i dont know what happen to me hehe….the lyrics the song really touching…its wonderful tonight going out wif someone…think back when i was wif HER..goin to a wedding…the last we going out…at sentosa… she really a beautiful lady…really sweet…and her perfume make me…remember…i really miss her alot..what to do we broke up…haiz…AYANG while u reading pls d/l the song wonderful tonight by ROCKAPEllA

yesterday my NYAI(grandma) WARDED AT CGH today i hav to go to see her…its ok if i cannot see HER(FEZA)…i can see my NYAI..miss NYAI alot tOo…still remember i told NYAI abt her last time…she said if she’s your its all yours….if not just let it be…if she dont like u anymore just let it go… one day she will be yours…always remember what NYAI told me…NYAI ask me to be patient….

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It’s late in the evening
She’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight

It’s time to go home now
And I’ve got an aching head
So I give her the car keys
She helps me to bed
And then I tell her
As I turn out the light
I say my darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight

tiap kali ku berfikir dan terbayang wajah nye di fikiranku…. Ku tidak akan lepaskan nye dan akan tetap disampingku……

Walau apa pon ku tetap sayang kan Dia…ku tidak tahu kenapa… berkelakuan sebegini ku tidak tuhu! ku menyesal! sedih! pasrah!

ku menangis tiap kali ku fikir kan dia….ku rindu pelukannye…wajahnye yg sugguh ayu berseri…haiz…ku mengeluh tiap kali ku pandang gambar nye….

hmmmm thats not a song or what…just came out from my mind and heart….im feeling lonely…im truly regret what i hav done to her…now she under tramatised….she scared of me…now their parents hates me….im dont mean to do that i really dont mean it…pls trust me…im not a bad guy…i know what im doin and thinking of…

ayang….pls giv me chance to go out wif ya…for the last time…

in the future i will takin my course…photography course…wanna go out from s’pore and taking picture at other countries….wanna run away from my brokenhearted places….dont want to think of something..wanna take alot of pic after i recover i will comeback…and create my new life… ok lah i think this is it..i hav to go…gd bye haiz…..pls read all the lyrics…i hav post it has the meaning and the feelings…

VE - Kerna Sayang

Tiap kali kau berlari ku fikirkan..
hanya engkau yg ku idamkan
tak pernah pula kau bercerita..
siang mlm kau menderita
jangan dibiarkan perasaan mengawal hati
jangan dibiarkan semuanya berlalu pergi

walaupun di sini ku tetap berdiri
ku mengundang kasih
walaupun sendiri kutetapkan kembali
agar kita akan bersama

C/O
jgn pulangkan kerinduan
tiap kali kau berjauhan
tidak mudah ku melupakan.. kerna sayang
kali pertama di pandangan
buat ku terbang di awangan
jangan pulangkan kerinduan.. kerna sayang

engkau memungkiri janji.. bukan aku
engkau yg melupakannya.. bukan aku
hanya aku yg impikan.. agar kita berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu
tapi itu semuanya kenangan.. yg tinggal hanya perasaan
dlm doaku hanya ingin selalu di samping mu.. oh pulanglah

seringkali ku mengenangkan mu
siang..mlm.. ku doakan kebahagiaan mu
yg ku pinta hanyalah.. tulus hatimu..
ada kau balas kerinduan ku

i know the title is erved her right…u know y…bcoz of her im under depression…and know she under traumatised… about yesterday…i hold her purse and hp bcoz i want her to taste how i feel the whole month im under depressed! and now she wanna charged me go ahead….bcoz of me i let her life better…find for her job find this ind that! and now she did dis to me! after u get everything u wanna leave me? this is how u treat ppl? now u under trauma thats gd! yesterday i didnt mean to do that… who ask u to grab my hand and slap me? who ask u? your boss wanna charge me? go ahead! i dont even care! last time i care about u and now no….i want u to feel how i feel rite now! saskia said i hav no right to do this kind of thing yah…i hav no right…but she has no right to do this kind of thing to me! but saskia husband understand me….i know he’s very kind ppl….yah bcoz he’s a guy….haha….nvm what i know i want her to think about how gd i treat her….think how u get this zoo job? how!? i give u suggestion! i giv u support! and now after u everything u forget about me! last time u dont like your parents! and now! u said your mom like very hard to giv u money to go to university! and now i ask your mom to let u go university she giv rite? and now u very close to your mom and your dad….everything feza i do for u….i support u all the way…if i got a problem u just keep quiet…..like0 "kacang lupa kan kulit!" everybody thinks u are the gd one…and im on the bad side…regret what my life is going on! really regret!haiz….ARH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry didn’t mean to call you but I couldn’t fight it
I guess I was weak, couldn’t even hide it
and so I surrendered, just to hear your voice.

Don’t know how many times I said I’m gonna live without you,
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you,
but there’s something, baby you need to know.
That deep inside me, I feel like I’m dying. I have to see you,
it’s all that I’m asking.

*chorus*
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,
the air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world’s become so empty.  The days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.

Quisiera decirte que hoy estoy de maravilla
que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
pero con un dedo no se tapa el sol.

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte. Agonizando, muy lento y muy fuerte.

Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias, mis ganas de vivir la vida, devuelveme el aire.
Cariño mio, sin tin yo me siento vacio, las tardes son un laberinto, las noches
me saben, a puro dolor.

-chorus- (repeat chorus again softly)
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,
the air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world’s become so empty.  The days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to call you but I couldn’t fight it.
I guess I was weak, couldn’t even hide it
and so I surrendered just to hear your voice.

today met her….went down to her works place without her knowledge….waited her for 3 hrs…suddenly met her…her looks towards me is something like…hating me so much haiz…talk to her like talk to the walls…try to touch her hand but she refuse thats mean she hates me…she really treats me like malay says "kuching kurap" really regret went down to her place…took her purse and hp…and suddenly i created a scenes at there…her friends saw and try to stop me…saw her boss her friends…..but i just listen what they ask me to do…i dont care she call the police….i dont care if she slap me…and i dont care anything, what i know coming down to her work place just for the sake of seeing her face…miss her face so much…miss her touch….haiz…but she treats me like…haiz…what to do…after the scene just walk all from zoo to CCK mrt…while im walking im crying..y she did this to me…im so sad…i did my best for her…really really sad…im regret of my life…y should i do?pls someone help me…im lonely really lonely…i need help…told my friends about myself but they cant help me too..im really dissapointed. I tot im happy but im not…my mind is too tired of working….im really tired…and sad…nobody knows how my feeling rite now…only god knows it…haiz…i promise myself will nvr go to the zoo again…and no matter what…theres a snake has to sent to the zoo…i will nvr volunteer myself…really sad…

while talking to her…i saw she nvr put on my necklace that i gave her on her befday…haiz….she promise everything…but…haiz…really dont know what happen to me…what she did soemthing i nvr feel anger or hate her….what i feel only miss her and really loves her so much…till now…i nvr feel anger or what…just feel sad sad sad….love and miss thats alll haiz…what a day really regret

i know inside the MSN she blocked me….haiz…ARH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY LOVE U!!!!!!YUHAFEZA!!! pls help me….im lonely and tired of thinking…pls help me…im lacked of something….