My Feelings…..

yah today after when back from somewhere u dont know…..i went straight to sleep…haiz…yeah i dreamt about her…saving her from drowning…i dont know y i dreamt about that..yeah its funny…after swim at her do the CPR….very funny….she’s alive lucky…but i know it was a dream…just want to know what happen only…after woke up from that stupid funny dreaming…i tried to called her…very frustrating when ppl call and nvr picks up the phone…its very rude u know…than she msg me "STOP bothering her!" or she will call the police…i msg her back go ahead! i tell your parents what she dont know….and i tried to called her home…her mom’s picked up the phone…talk to me…and keep arguing…yeah its up to her…her daughter is very good..got diploma…got this got that…so? i dont even care! she breaks my heart totally into pieces! and i tell her parent that "CIK U DONT KNOW WHATS GOIN ON ABOUT HER"…bcoz everything she wrote at her blog…I KNOW HER PASSWORDs….IM NOT THE hacker but i know about internet…and multimedia…after i said that she start to scream! shout her names! her mom dont trust me yeah i dont even care to…if she wants to report to the police go ahead! i just say to her parents that "about the HER PARENTS GOING TO MEKKAH THING…." im not threathening her but its the FACT! i helped her alot! her moms said not bcoz of me she get the job at the zoo…its bcoz of her diploma! FOR ME ITS ALL BCOZ OF HER REZEKI…i just giv her opinion…..and she do what i said….and till now she work at the ZOO…I HELPED HER WHAT IS LIFE and how to LIVE….yeah if she read this blog she will…said not bcoz of me lah this one lah that one lah…yeah bcoz u forget….like malay ppl said "MCM KACANG LUPA KAN KULIT!" like nuts forget the shells….yeah…haiz….her moms said last two days she prey my parents so get gd life all that…thanks to her….but remeber your daughter treats herself like a BITCH! behave like one…! act like one! herself say so! not me! many times i say to her dont call yourself a bitch! haiz….what a life! for me if her family wants to report to the police…go ahead…i just accept what it comes….i just telling her the truth….alots of time i support what she doin….haiz…k lah…what it come i just accept it….

today im so sad…out of a sudden….nobody to talk to…haiz…i dont know whats wrong wif me…i laugh wif sarcastic way…yah im laughing but…haiz…i dont know what to say…today im so freaking tired…and sick…keep on sneezing! i hate flu and i got fever too….haiz…yah in my heart i really miss her…really really miss…her….yesterday i got kenduri…while goin to pasir ris..i tried to called her..but she will nvr pick up…really hate it…y must she do this to me?y?yah i read her BLOG…she read surah YASSIN….and wants to wear tudong….but her behavior like a BITCH! yah now i called her like a bitch! bcoz she calling herself a bitch! i really dont like the way she behave! this is not her…im glad that ashraf do that to her…serve her right! i hope she will get something like this again…really i prey hard…bcoz she really play my heart…and throw me like a shit! trying to be nice to her but she do this to her…i really prey hard she will nvr live happily! but sometimes think back im so cruel asking GOD this like this to her…haiz…im really sorry….but she makes my life miserable….haiz…

yah today is my last day to be happy…again…i cant be happy again i dont know…i cant laugh i can smile…keep on sad…i really sad what i hav done to her….i really wants her back…but…i think i hav no choice…just let it go…let her happy wif what she want to be….just prey that she gonna be happy…i keep on listening JGN BERSEDIH LAGI by ANUAR ZAIN….very sad song…i try to open RnB songs…ROCK songs…but i hav no mood…i really regret…i cant be happy anmore…Y? TODAY watch movie alone….THE LONGEST YARD…ppl said very funny…but nuthin to laugh about…inside the theatre ppl laughing like the troat wanna came out…but for me like nuthing…after the movie…jln jln at the town…haiz…nuthing to see too…all the way walking alone at the town…haiz..whats wrong wif me?im sad…truly sad…haiz… YA ALLAH pls make me happy….i prey alot too…today went to friday preyers at al-falah… nobody wanna accompany wif me…so i go alone..nvr go lunch…they call me that it late…i nvr picked up the phone..so i had to went back by TAXI….lucky $7….

from now onwards…im a first aider…i can do first aid to ppl needs help…hehe(so sarcastic laugh) im pass wif flying colours…yesterday i got full marks…20/20 and just now practical test just do one time…im pass….now i know im gd…i can learn…so hav to prepare later…after NS gonna study again…study really hard….really really hard….FIRST AID is so easy…very easy….just remember the way they do…thats all…. FYI i hate MCQ but i dont know how come i can get full marks….amazing man!!!

while went back alone at the TRACOM i imagine….i was walking wif her…still remember when im P.O.P day at TRACOM she came to my P.O.P day really really sweets…..i really took own sweet time walking at there…what a memories….haiz…i really miss her alot…haiz…last time i was happy wif her…really really happy…but now she wif other guy…ashraf was his name….now ashraf like show his colours…like doesnt care about my cute feza…this kind of ppl will nvr appreatiate us…thinks about himself only…thinks about his own world…haiz…but y hav my feza still love him? bcoz he got future? bcoz he’s rich? bcoz he’s handsome than me? bcoz of what? y ? tell me y? belom lagi matair dah buat prangai…apa siak!!! kalau aku kenal dia aku dah bahasa kan dia siak…haiz….relax…. relax….relax FAIRUS…just see what gonna happen wif this two guys…

all this while i kep reading her blog…y must she hav to treat herself a BITCH? she’s not a bitch….haiz…inside her blog…ashraf ask her to change her numbers so i wont disturb her anymore…neh..thats not the way….u r a teacher…y must u thinks that way? theres a ways to stop me to disturb her…yah theres a way…she knows about it….so what for u want her to change the number?haiz… hey ashraf…if u mature enouf pls ok….org dah sayangkan kau napa kau buat mcm gini kat dia?kau bodoh ker apa?eh feza ni org yg baik…dia mintak perhatian daripada kau! bukan aku! apa asal kau buat mcm gini? u got car u got motor y dont u send her or fetch her? think ok….u hav to divide yourself and her…your work and her….i hope ashraf saw my blog……i want him to take care of my dearest sayang….bcoz she’s the only gerl that i love…i dont want my love want to be hurt again…now i hav to stop sms-ing or call her…bcoz of me she traumatised…bcoz of me she hurt…so i dont want my love want to be like that…i want her to be happy….so ashraf if i know u gonna break her heart again…im gonna break your fucking balls! really warn u ok! so take care of my love!feza!

Anuar Zain

Jangan Bersedih Lagi

Kekasihku
Jangan bersedih lagi
Keringkanlah titisan air mata di pipi(mu)
Kekasihku
Tabahkan hatimu
Sekalipun tak pernah terduga
Halangan yang melanda
Melenyapkan
Impian bersama
Jangan dikesali
Atas apa yang terjadi
Mungkin rahmat sebaliknya
Membuahkan bahagia
Kekasihku
Aku tahu
Kita sama saling percaya
Tidak pernah
Ada dusta
Kasih antara kita
Jangan berduka (kekasihku)
Jangan berdendam pada sesiapa
Bersabarlah
Menerima
Segala-galanya dengan redha

( bridge )
Mungkin suatu hari
Kita akan bersama lagi
Aku masih mengharap
Segalanya kan
Berulang semula

( korus )
Kekasihku
Aku tahu
Kita sama saling percaya
Tidak pernah

Ada dusta
Kasih antara kita
Jangan berduka (kekasihku)
Jangan berdendam pada sesiapa
Bersabarlah
Menerima
Segala-galanya dengan redha

haiz….aku tak leh tido….arh!!!!!!i slept just now and dream about her….she cry on my dreams…i dont know what it means…hmmm i think we really regret what we done to each other….haiz…i think lah…but y she cry in the 1st place?after i realise its justa dream…i called her but she nvr picked up….hmmm i dont know…i think she’s sleep already….haiz…i dont know y i am feeling this way?

I got feeling wif this gerl….HEHEHEHE secret…hahahah one day i will tell u…clue is she been wif me for 4yrs….now she change to other character…heheehe really miss her alot…for months we nvr seeing each other…miss her so much…this gerl is petite to….cute…love to shopping…and loud too…hahahaha i know about her so much…her parents too…(HEY FAIRUS U THINK U CAN GET HER?DREAM ON!) HAHAHA what a dreamer….from what i know she needs attention….she need love and care….she lack of something…and someone…hmmmm so guys whoever read this blog try to find out by yourself k…one day i will tell ya….HEHEHE

today i got course at TRACOM for three days….feeling tired and sick…the weather not so good…im so freaking tired sia….when lunch time go to the budget stall…hahaha still remember im wif HER eating together…but today…eating alone…no friends….after lunch when down to my favourite perfume shop…hahah bought one perfume…my fav brand HUGO! and bought HUGO In-Motion Limited Edition GREEN! her favourite colour too…heheheh the smell damn nice..i like it….and love it…hope SHE can smell me hahahaha….

now im alone….nvr contact THAT GERL NIMORE…haiz…i know…we only friend…try to friend wif her but she like ignoring me…haiz…what a life…nvrmind..i still hav myself to entertain alone…

i dont know the relationship within HER and ASHRAF….haiz…really so sad….think back im on the FAULT side…yah i know she TREATS me alot…care about me…haiz…she helps me alot too….haiz…i know alot of time i criticised on her family…but who am i to said all this thing…..haiz….im really sad and regret what i hav done…i really regret…i hope we can get back together again…but i cannot ask too much…bcoz i know she wont accept me back again…haiz…what my main point is to studies….i want my future to be bright! and i want my future wife to be happy wif me….haiz……i really want her back…YUHAFEZA PLS COMEBACK TO MY LIFE…PLS….I NEED U…

YAHOO! at last i got to hear her voice….but i dont expect more…just few mins talk…her sweet voice…i know she regret for picking up the called…but what to do….at least i can hear her voice and her laugh…hehehe im so nervous and had a wet palm…for me if im wet palm thats mean im so excited…dont think the dirty way ok…thanks ayang for picking up the phone….

yah i dont expect anything…not more or what…my wish is come true just now…wish that i can talk to her….hehehe im so happy…im the most happiest guy in the world…hahaha i hope lah…we can keep in touch for whole life…and

u i really want u back…nobody can replace u….not even SITI NURHALIZA or who ever lah….only yourself can make me happy…only u my dear…i wish we can get back together….and change not like last time…my heart still wif u……u stole my heart….pls place it back…your heart together wif my heart….we can create a happy life….ayang pls come back…pls…

yahooo!!! yesterday go fishing….got lots of fish….but all small one lah….yesterday was tiring day danger day! hahaha nearly got bitten by a very very very big n unusual centipede….that thing crawl up till my neck!damn!!!till now i can feel it and now i became phobia wif that thing…wahlau!!!!! lucky sia…

yesterday was a rilek day wif my friend…sitting on the beach on MP3 wif speaker….was rilek man!!!!wif the wind and the sound of the waves…..really like it that way….while sitting on the beach and my friend was sleeping…i sunddenly thinking of my life…the gerl and her….y they did this to me….dah tada jodoh kata kan…..what to do….HER u know its unfair! really unfair! y must she go wif that guy! i really miss her alot…but haiz…she dont want me anymore…no matter what…but about that gerl haiz….dont know.

yeah i woke up late hahahaha yesterday slept at 0400HRS hahahah i cant sleep….thinking of something…haiz…i really sad about HER…i really need someone to talk and beside me…but nobody….yesterday slept at 0400hrs woke up at 1030hrs…hahah i hav to go to work at 7 and now…im late…fuck! they teasing me all the times…but its ok for me…not like some other ppl cannot take it as a joke…..for me its ok just a joke only…bcoz i really seldom late….i always come early….very early and take over duties also early…but sometime i very tired or sian…i will wake up late…hahahaha

haiz…i dont know what happen to me…out of sudden i hav no mood to go to fishing on this weekend…no mood….got the money..MARKSMANSHIP money but no mood to go fishing or shopping…i dont know whats wrong wif me…im sad wif my life….really sad…fuck! i hate this….

yesterday we hav family discussion about my mom stall…very good chat….very seldom we chat like this…haha sometime quite fun…planning about my eldest brother wedding coming this 10th and 11th my family ask me to invite HER but see 1st haha i dont think she might be coming…haiz…she dont want to see me or talk to me…yah…my dad want to make SATAY on my brother wedding…yeah…2000 sticks of satay…..wooooooooo 1st come 1st serve lah…hheheheheyesterday i had a good chat wif my family and sister in law….hehehe yeah…my dad confirm that we hav to downgrade…5 rooms flat to 3 rooms flat….haiz….alot of things to clear…dining table..sofa….haiz alot ah!!!!!!! haiz…gonna miss this house….haiz…what to do my dad plan…they need money…and he said after move house..he can help me about studying…he want to sponsor and driving to…but i make my mind not to use their money…hmmmm….THATS Y TODAY I WOKE UP LATE!!!!!!!!!!

today In-service….haiz tired…when to sleep at 4th floor hahaha locker room lah…hahahah yeah after the In-Service…when to tackle shop…i think i might getting new Rod And Reel….hehehee fishing so shiock ah! interested in that thing u know…my rod but hav to spend abit of money…and new Perfume…. Hugo In Motion….haahahah this month spent lots of money…pay this and that but this and that..haiyah…nvr think of future…but its ok once in awhile hav to spent what!

I Talked wif the shop owner very friendly and giv me gd price…thats good….and learn of thing from him too…fishing is my hobby…i got lots of hobby…collecting exotic animals…go fishing….see fish…and taking pictures! yeah i got plan to this sunday…go fishing take some pictures and hav fun!!! alone….haiz….no kaki leh to join me…..all bloop bloop u know what it means its bubble! say want to follow lah this want lah…at last..got something on…what to do…but i also hav to understand them…they hav their own gf…not like me…free anytime im free…but no matter what i got gf i also went to fishing…still remember i still wif HER…i went to fishing wif my friend and my bro…lucky she understand hahahahabut now im back to my own self…hahahah its ok cant wait for this sunday!!!!overnight buy some snacks…fishing and camping!!! alone…haiz…

I just came back from work….my 1st day off today and tomorrow i got in-service…damn~! im tired….haiz….yesterday i SMS that gerl…but she nvr reply me back…i dont know ithink she dont want to be my friend anymore….haiz…nvrmind life hav to go on…yeah life hav to go on….haiz….today i hav no plan dont know where to go…i might going out alone….hmmm where to go ah?hmmm jurong lakepark?hmmm sitting down alone…watching ppl see childrens playing….taking their pictures….hmmm that will be nice….

last two days…i chat wif her…seem like she really move on…but we hav a nice chat….talking about her bolster…she likes her bolster….still remember she told me that she hug her bolster like hugging me…hehe thats cute…yeah i still remember our past time…our sweet memories…inside the tent playing wif each other(don think of something ah…)hahaha taking pictures…at the beach…sometimes i think over it….it was fun…sweet couple….romantic…but what to do..now we separate and move our own life and our own way….haiz…

im still thinking what i want to do when im ORD….but my feeling still on studies… but think of it…if im studies i hav to use my parents money…i dont want that to be happen anymore…now im grown up! i hav to use my own money! im pity wif my parents…they getting older and older…and getting sick…i pity wif my mum and my dad…haiz….now i know this is life….